Auxiliary Robot is on vacation

I don’t know how long the break will be. Things are a lot busier than before and I find myself struggling to find time to post. It was fun while it lasted and thanks for all the views on my reviews and such.

Brent might post more but I doubt it.

-conrad

Are we dead?

Honestly, I don’t know. Conrad is back in town till August and he’s still debating on if he wants to keep the blog going or not. I apologize for the recent lack of any kind of post, I know it’s annoying to check on a blog to see nothing new ;)

In other news:
Army of Two is a horrible game. I didn’t think anything could be as bad as Kane and Lynch (read the review on here) but Army of Two managed to be the game that left me wishing I was playing Kane and Lynch instead! Basically, horrific voice acting, main characters never shut up and are always complaining, and absolutely no story line. It plays like Mission Confidential or any of the arcade shooter games you find at a mall. The combat controls weren’t bad though.

-Conrad

Wendy’s, you’ve failed me (again)

The local Wendy’s restaurant near my house has once again proven their infallible knack for delivering food to me in a manner completely devoid of the preferences I so carefully articulate to the speaker box, which looks to have originated circa early nineteenth century – roughly before the invention of the steam engine, perhaps. At least at McDonald’s I have some semblance of security in knowing that words emitting from my mouth are being cognitively processed by a somewhat intelligent person when I can see my selections being recorded digitially directly in front of my face. That does not, however, prevent the very likely outcome of me receiving my food without a few casualties committed by the uninitiated mind performing the menial task of “cooking” my hamburger. And that is exactly what took place at Wendy’s today. I ordered a Classic Single with ketchup only, with extra emphasis on the words “ketchup” and “only.” When I got home and unwrapped the hamburger, I immediately burst out laughing as I viewed the work of a moron who actually possesses an uncanny ironic wit (which is itself ironic). In my hands were two halves of a bun, a single hamburger, and a single slice of a tomato resting safely atop of the hamburger. A single fucking slice of tomato. The expectation must have been that I would have to manufacture my own ketchup, thus making my hamburger reach a little closer to the unobtainable – and amaranthine – goal of having the desirable quality of “freshness.” The ceaseless fleeing of the consumer’s ever increasing conscientiousness about the undesirable health effects of processed food has led to the pointless marketing campaign aimed at making people forget that the food they are eating has indeed been prepared and cooked in a fast food restaurant. Yet, when they make refulgent blunders such as the one I encountered, it becomes very hard for me, the consumer, to mentally eradicate the fact that what I am eating couldn’t possibly come from anywhere else except a fast food restaurant.

Scholarship Essays

I’ve been working really hard on this essay for a scholarship application, but every idea I’ve had has resulted in futility, and it was becoming quite depressing. So, I just started writing with a satirical slant, and here’s what I came up with: (the prompt was, “Describe a current event or issue affecting our world today that has influenced your goals and aspirations for the future.”)

There is no denying the jarringly real and totally destructive impact Global Warming has had, and will continue to have, on my future aspirations. Since my joyous days of my exuberant youth, I have always held dearly to a very precious goal of mine. You see, my father, albeit a man of great upstanding and stature within the compassionate and affectionate aura of my family’s somewhat veiled obligatory love, was worth less than that two thousand year old “antique” sofa my neighbors have been furtively trying to sell at every one of their three or four annual garage sales in increasingly more and more desperate ways. Despite his absolute lack of worth, my Father carried a vision with him, a dream to travel across the entire continent of Antarctica. Unfortunately, this vision would never develop into anything more than a rather tiresome and trite joke that certain ignorant relatives relinquish at every single family gathering. The joke was always very inappropriate because the punchline is that my father spent thirty years of his life as a quadriplegic and would need another thirty just to travel half the distance of a continent covered in more snow and ice than Fargo, North Dakota. The joke has since become doubly inappropriate because my father has been deceased for ten years. Now, I have taken it upon myself to live my father’s dream and experience what the poor man never would. Of course, I do mean that in a literal sense because I was actually planning on walking, and my father would have been relegated to the use of that defective wheelchair, which was really the only one we could afford from his welfare checks, and he wouldn’t have been able to walk, you see, because he would have been “riding”, and … you get the point. But now, now I will never be able to realize this dream! Damn that inconsiderate Global Warming! Did Global Warming ever consider Antarctica may one day become a place for quadriplegics to live their dreams, to become empowered through a harrowing experience that will almost certainly result in their obituary being more comical than the not-so-comical political editorials in the local newspaper? No, Global Warming has had no such considerations, and now it is with a few dozen tears streaming down my face that I write this. Tears of despair in the knowledge that Antarctica will actually be sunk beneath the watery depths of the ocean. However, I will triumph! I will have new aspirations and new goals that will lead me to even higher heights! I am going to become a deep sea explorer! You know, like those one guys that traveled around in a tiny submersible vessel and shrieked in geeky joy when they discovered the dining area of the Titanic was still completely in tact.

The Four Word Film Review

These people sure are a clever lot. Although, brevity is the soul of wit.

click

Here it goes…

My name is Brent, and if you’ve been an observant viewer of this site, you will know that the original purveyor of this site has left the duty of blogging to yours truly. It should be known that the concept of publishing “blogs” on this wonderful communication device we call the “Internet” is very foreign to me, and, as such, will most likely result in a bit of misdirection on my part as the writer. However, this shouldn’t be any cause for alarm because first of all, the majority of views this site receives are for a post about an individual named Conrad who has undoubtedly sacrificed just about every aspect of his life regarding interaction with other individuals just to obtain perfection in a guitar based video game and a pseudo-cult status on the internet. Secondly, it’s the internet, and one need only to look at the plethora of illiterate comments for Youtube videos in order to understand just how low the bar has been lowered for any type of writing to be found on the internet.

All you observant people may also have noticed that I posted this site would be unofficially reopened last week, and that means this is the unofficial reopening. I describe it as unofficial because only two aspects of this site have changed. There is a new author, and the presentation of the site was slightly altered. Unfortunately, this site is hosted by wordpress, which means I can only select from a few handfuls of different layouts that range from something that looks like a blank Microsoft Word document to something that looks like a fifteen year old girl’s retina burning, obnoxiously cluttered Myspace page.

That’s it, folks. Sorry, there’s not going to be any sort of fireworks spectacular. Although, if you close your eyes, you are certainly welcome to imagine one within the confines of your own imagination.

Oh, and this site isn’t going to be updated like the weather channel. I can’t write a new post every seven minutes past the hour because I actually have a job; It’s a very labor intensive job that consumes my free time like my car consumes gasoline. Although, posting at irregular intervals might actually help to encourage people to keep coming back to check for any new posts…

…If those posts are worth reading, that is.

under construction

this site will be unofficially re-opened on 2/8/08

Addios

Well guys, the time has come for me to leave. Conrad (me) is off to Japan in a couple days and won’t be able to post anymore so I’m handing the blog off to my buddy Brent. He’ll probably give Auxiliary Robot some direction instead of my random posts.

I’ll be back in two years, and will occasionally provide updates about what I’m up to.

Boredom = spending

With things winding down for me and no snowboarding to do, I find myself with lots of free time. So I buy stuff. The latest purchase due to this is a limited edition screen print from CAPiTA signed by Corey Smith.

FFFFOUND! 1/26/08